Thursday, January 22, 2009

My friends Richard and Carol Henderson separately emailed me to say that a friend of theirs at church who had a feeding tube found it easier to drink thicker liquids like milk rather than water.

Well, that was ridiculous, wasn't it! But I had some Ensure so I decided to try it and it worked. I drank a bottle yesterday and one today.

That is good in two ways. I am getting practice at taking food by mouth and I am adding calories to my diet.

I can't believe I am trying to add calories. Me, who has fought the weight battle all my life. I have lost a lot of weight but it doesn't show. My face still looks fat because I still have stuff hanging from my neck from the cancer. The weight I lost was all muscle. My trunk is still heavy but my arms and legs are skinny, skinny. I measured my wrist tonight and it is six and a quarter inches.

I watch a lot of tv now and I have considered how we are all influenced by what we see on tv. When I was young I wanted to live in the Anderson home on Father Knows Best. Remember that? The phone was at the bottom of the stairs. Heck, I wanted a phone. We didn't even have that. Most of all, the Anderson children did not hoe and pick cotton.

Later in my life, when Anne was small, I watched Family Affair. I wanted Anne to look like Buffy. Buffy's hair was always in those cute ponytails on each side, every hair was in place. Her clothes were adorable. She wore socks and shoes all the time. I felt a failure because Anne didn't look like that.

I don't know how I could have done it though. Anne would have been in the sandbox with those shoes and socks off and she loved to fill the pail up with sand and then empty it on her own head Buffy never did that.

Now I am older and I watch The Golden Girls. Another impossible standard. They are usually at home dressed like they are going to church. Their house is immaculate. I live alone. I have no children to blame but my house still doesn't measure up.

I think we all suffer from this to some extent. I watch HGTV a lot. If those buyers went through my house, I know what they would say. Kitchen: i was hoping for granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances. This kitchen needs a complete overhaul. All three bathrooms: These will have to be gutted.

Yet the house has functioned well for me for 12 years.

Would we be happier without TV?

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