Friday, November 07, 2008

This blog has become a list of the stages of misery. Each entry details some new form of torture to my body.

Last Saturday night misery hit in the simultaneous arrival of the fourth day after chemo misery along with the first of radiation misery.

My throat became inflamed and swollen. I couldn't eat anything and could barely drink. Since then I have hurt myself by trying and trying to drink enough to keep from being dehydrated. Nothing I have done is enough.

It is time for a feeding tube. Before the radiation was started, the doctor discussed this possibility with me. I knew it would never happen to me. I would get through it by sheer will power.

I have failed. I cannot do it. So Tuesday I will have surgery to insert a feeding tube into my stomach.

I feel it is a failure on my part but now I look forward to the surgery. I wish this were Tuesday.

Monday, November 03, 2008

My radiologist said I would hate him by week 3. I do.

I can't express how miserable I am. The effects of the radiation on good tissue are starting. My throat hurts so much and it feels like there is a ball stuck in it. I can't swallow anything solid and I have problems with liquids. The skin on my neck is also hurting.

Today I had radiation treatment 10 of 34.

In the better news, today I got a handmade prayer shawl from the ladies at Trinity Prebysterian Church in Starkville. It means a lot to me as a symbol of God's goodwill and of theirs. And besides that it is a beautiful blue.

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