Friday, January 09, 2009

About two weeks into radiation treatment, my body went out. I remember looking at the clock thinking how could I possibly endure five more weeks of this treatment when I felt so bad I didn't think I could live another hour.

Everything was painful and exhausting. I could not eat or drink. The radiation had caused my throat to be raw and swollen so that little could pass through. I tried to eat and drink but with little success.

The next Saturday my sisters, Janice and Julia, took me to the emergency room. The bed there was so uncomfortable. It did not work properly. My knees were higher than the rest of my body.

For some reason it took about 12 hours for me to be transferred to a room. I was pleased to be in the brand new section. Those rooms are very nice but that bed was also not comfortable.

I had been thinking that the most wonderful thing is painless sleep. I got some that night thanks to morphine. I have a bottle of morphine tablets myself but I have been afraid to take any.

Anne and Ken had arrived and she spent the night with me that night and a few more. Monday they put in a feeding tube into my stomach. That was wonderful.

A few days later they sent me to transitional care in a skilled nursing bed at a nursing home. Beth and Steve had arrived and she stayed with me there.

When I went home, Beth cared for me for almost two months. She set up the feedings, prepared and administered my medicines, carried me to my appointments, and everything else.

When school was out for Christmas, Anne took over and later took me to her house for a week.

I am so proud of these girls. They really came through for me. I appreciate their sacrifices.

Finally the first week in December the treatments were over.

Things did not get better. I was still the most miserable of humans. I did not go to the Thanksgiving or Christmas celebrations of my family.

Then one day at Anne's, I felt slightly better. Slightly attached to this world. I have improved more since then.

I really won't know much about the success or failure of the treatments until they do a pet scan next month.


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