Friday, November 07, 2008

This blog has become a list of the stages of misery. Each entry details some new form of torture to my body.

Last Saturday night misery hit in the simultaneous arrival of the fourth day after chemo misery along with the first of radiation misery.

My throat became inflamed and swollen. I couldn't eat anything and could barely drink. Since then I have hurt myself by trying and trying to drink enough to keep from being dehydrated. Nothing I have done is enough.

It is time for a feeding tube. Before the radiation was started, the doctor discussed this possibility with me. I knew it would never happen to me. I would get through it by sheer will power.

I have failed. I cannot do it. So Tuesday I will have surgery to insert a feeding tube into my stomach.

I feel it is a failure on my part but now I look forward to the surgery. I wish this were Tuesday.

Aunt Mary, I appreciate your blog. I appreciate knowing how you're persevering! I'm proud of your perseverance and determination, and I'm praying you feel better!

Aunt Mary,

Do not ever think of yourself as a failure during any of this. You have come no where near failing. God will not give you more than you can handle and when it does become too much for you to handle, He Will always provide a way for you to get through each and every situation in life. Even though I know you don't feel this way now, later you will look back and see He is there pulling you through all of this. And just like Him -- we are all here to help pull you through this in any way we possibly can. All you have to do is ask and we'll do whatever we can to help. You are in my prayers daily. We are very proud of you for handling everything in the spirit and grace that you have so far. We Love You!!

Non-Ole Miss Fan Graduate
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